RORI: Return on Relationship Investment

I'm on the "other side" of a dating relationship and as I've reflected on it, I've realized that I'm ready to invest a lot in relationships. I recently read Beyond Boundaries by John Townsend and it's a follow up to Boundaries for people who have done a lot of hard work implementing healthy boundaries and are ready for the next "phase". To say that I have done a lot of hard work implementing healthy boundaries might be the understatement of the year.

In BB, I learned that risk-taking is good and that being vulnerable with someone to increase intimacy is always a risk, because the other person is free to walk away/not reciprocate. In this last dating relationship, we started out focused on vulnerability but once we achieved a certain level of closeness, he seemed to want to "cruise". Certainly two people cannot constantly be going to a deep level and trying to grow the relationship--there need to be fun, easy times (a lot of them, I say). But in his book, John says the going deeper times should happen about once a week, where two people check in on their relationship. And I felt that. I wanted to goof around, flirt, make jokes and hear about work/fun stuff, but if we weren't having a good, relationship oriented conversation 1x a week, I began to feel disconnected.

The end of the relationship came after many weeks of my asking for more connection, him "understanding" and making some effort, but then going back to short "check-ins" and unemotional conversations. I realized I couldn't keep investing in something/someone who didn't produce a return. That was a really hard choice to make. I cared deeply for him and was extremely encouraged and hopeful during the first couple/few months of dating him. But I felt that he wanted to cruise along on the fuel from our past connecting conversations/time together. And that just didn't work for me. I need more than that in a loving relationship.

And that makes me think of my relationship with God. I've been really blessed with new friendships in the last year and I take time to nurture them. They haven't grown into the deep, trusting relationships that they are just by chance. No, I've tended to them like a garden. I pursue them and nurture them (this is, by the way, how I'd like to be treated in a dating relationship), and make time for them. So when Beth Moore wrote in Breaking Free that we can't rely on our past relationship w/ God for the present or the future, I totally got what she meant. I have had deeply emotional, soul-stirring, life-changing times/seasons with God where I think I am forever changed to be so very close to Him-always. And after a little while, I want to cruise. Because it's hard work to pursue a relationship with someone who doesn't always give instant gratification. So I skip a few days of time in the Word. I stop getting up early to pray and meditate on Him. And before I know it, I feel less connected to Him, my thoughts are more worldy/self-focused, and I'm wondering what the heck happened.

I can't rely on my past relationship with God to stay connected with Him.

And if I want to go really, really deep with Him (and, oh, I do!), I need to nurture and tend to our relationship like a garden. It needs daily care. His Spirit prompts me all morning to spend lots of time with Him in His Word and in prayer. I can say yes, or I can say no. When I say yes, the return is greater (by far) than my investment. When I elect to cruise, I'm the one who misses out.

I guess the moral to this story is that a relationship with God always produces a high return on relationship investment.

Pies for Life!

Friend, I'm inviting you to be a part of my Life Giving Life Mission!
A few weeks ago, Gateway Church issued a reverse offering on a Sunday morning. Everyone in attendance received money, from $5 to $300. We listened to a message on the Parable of the Talents. Gateway wanted us to be good stewards of God's money and combine efforts with others in order to multiply what we had been given.
I am part of the Single Parents group at Gateway and we have decided to support The Refuge, a small church in Broomfield, Colorado that is truly a place of refuge for the outcasts and the broken-hearted. One of our group members knows the pastors of this church personally and when she heard about their need for donations the day after Gateway's reverse offering, she wondered if we might be able to help them. (That's me, by the way. ;) We all said YES! To read more about The Refuge, click here.
We pooled the money we had been given and have decided to bake holiday pies. It's the perfect season to purchase a pie or two or three for your holiday parties! We are offering Apple, Cherry, and Pumpkin on either regular wheat crust ($10) or gluten free crust ($12). 100% of the proceeds from the sale of the pies will go directly to The Refuge.
We will be baking the pies with our kids on December 21st and they will be available for pick-up on Saturday, December 22nd at the Gateway McNeil Campus. We will be taking orders through Thursday, December 20th.
Ready to order? Great! Click here to order your Refuge Pies. And thank you for being a part of our Life Giving Life Mission.
Erin

Recovery

In 2007, I started a blog called “In Hot Pursuit of God” and then quickly subtitled it “Broken”. God has faithfully guided me on a journey of spiritual transformation.

            After being caught up in God’s love and the change  I was experiencing daily…for years, I came to a wall. I stopped feeling inspired and continually transformed and I started feeling dull and stagnant. I looked to all of the usual remedies: church, small group, Bible reading, prayer, seeking wise counsel. Nothing cured the dull ache of feeling “stuck”.

            I started feeling annoyed in church. I was annoyed that people were rich and coming together to congratulate each other on their “blessings”. (My perception, no factual evidence to date!) I sought out a much more missional church but left after having an impossible time connecting before committing to serve. Again, I was annoyed, angry even. After doing a search for churches within a 10 mile radius of my house, looking at their websites, and listening to their sermons, I decided to just give church a break.

            For a few months, I spent Sunday mornings in my pajamas, on my couch, with my Bible and some coffee. I began reading through the gospels, one by one. I asked Jesus to reveal himself to me, as he really is, not who the churches portray him to be.

            I realized that my faith was more wrapped up in church than I ever would have imagined.

            I started to hunger for community, so I took a risk and started church sampling again. While I was still annoyed about some things at a particular church, I was curious about this group called Recovery. Basically, it was described as a place to find healing for whatever ails you. I visited, nervously, the next day.

            What I found there shocked me. It was a zoo of people. I don’t mean it was crowded. I mean it was full of many different kinds of people. They didn’t all look alike and they didn’t all act alike. I would come to find out that they didn’t all struggle alike either. The one thing they had in common? Sin

            They were all looking sin in the eye. They were tired of trying to overcome their addictions and compulsive behaviors on their own. They were ready for a big, righteous, merciful God. They had nothing to bring to him, except their sin.

            As I sat with 30-40 people and heard some of their stories, watched them worship Jesus, and saw them really listening to each other, I thought, “This is it. This is church.”

            That was four months ago. Now I’m of the belief that everyone needs Recovery. It’s for those who sin. Hello. Who doesn’t sin?

            And so I can say now that a message of forgiveness that comes without a message of our broken and evil souls, is an empty message. To pursue God’s formation of the heart, we must be desperate for a cure for our own insanity (trying to be good enough on our own).

            What would happen if Christian churches started being honest with their congregations about the state of their hearts?

Church-me-not

Found a post from Rachel Held Evans that perfectly expresses why I'm not going to church right now. I've posted it below:

In the summertime, the light darts through the slits in the blinds all gold and sudden—no gentle fade through purple and blue and gray to get you used to the idea of another day. I wake and listen to Dan breathe next to me. We stopped setting an alarm a long time ago.
Somewhere between 8 and 9, when the songbirds have settled down, I formulate my excuse:
Too far to the Orthodox Church.
Too late for the Episcopal Church.
Too liberal for the Baptist Church.
Too conservative for the Mainline Church.
Too protestant for the Catholic Church.
Too catholic for the Bible Church.
No one asks anymore, but I was raised to be ready with an answer. So the excuses are part of the routine now—like finally kicking off the covers, like my dark roast with cream, like checking email, like morning prayer:
 “Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought me in safety to the beginning of this day. Preserve me with your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do, direct me to the fulfilling of your purposes; through Jesus Christ my Lord.” 
Have I fallen into sin?
Who will bring casseroles when I have a baby?
What I feel these days is not guilt, but something far more nefarious:  dull resignation. There are nearly 200 churches near my small, Southern town, and hundreds more if we make the long drive to Chattanooga, so the fact that I can’t seem to make it through a single service without questioning the existence of God says a lot more about me than it does about church, now doesn’t it?
Do I want a church that fits me, or a me that fits the church?
God makes sense to me under the trees, and God makes sense to me in poetry and prayer, and God makes sense to me in Eucharist and Baptism and community and even creeds...but not in the offering plate, not in the building campaign, not in the pastor-who-shall-not-be-questioned, not in the politics, not in the assumptions about what a good Christian girl ought to be.
Gentle, quiet.
Am I selfish for wanting more?
And who will bring casseroles when I have a baby?
I don’t know how to explain it—to my family, to my readers, to myself—that, despite the fact that I know these good people would love me unconditionally, I don’t want to go back. I don’t want to be the change. I don’t want to try anymore.
It’s 10:30 a.m., and I’m still tired—
still tired from our failed church plant,
still tired from the local gossip,
still tired of being seen as a project and a prayer request because I believe the earth is more than 6,000 years old and that Anne Frank didn’t go to hell,
still tired of patriarchy,
still tired of feeling further away from myself when I am in church than when I am anywhere else in the world.
I don’t know how to explain it —to my family, to my readers, to myself—how, when my gay friends aren’t welcome at the Table and my sisters aren’t welcome at the pulpit, somehow I’m not welcome there either.  I feel at once pride and guilt, the Pharisee and the prostitute.
But who will bring casseroles when I have a baby?
“Lord God, almighty and everlasting Father, you have brought me in safety to the beginning of this day. Preserve me with your mighty power, that I may not fall into sin, nor be overcome by adversity; and in all I do, direct me to the fulfilling of your purposes; through Jesus Christ my Lord.” 
The sun has now lit the whole house, and I pray regardless of whether the prayer feels right.
And hope that someday the same spirit will carry me back to church.

***

So, what goes through your head on Sunday mornings these days? 
 http://rachelheldevans.com/sunday-morning

Day 8 of 21 Day Primal Blueprint

In case you're not familiar with the Primal Blueprint or Mark Sisson, you can become fully educated here. I've been dabbling in Primal/Paleo eating since last fall but I definitely didn't eat that way 8 days in a row.
Okay, whatever, I'll give you numbers. When I weighed myself on Day 1, 1 week ago, I weighed 138.6 with 21.3 % body fat (I'm 5'7). Here's a typical day's menu:
Breakfast: 1 organic egg scrambled with leeks, 3 slices of uncured bacon, 1 cup of spinach sauteed in coconut oil
Lunch: 3/4 cup of tuna salad (albacore tuna, 1 stalk of celery, sunflower seeds, and organic mayo), 2 servings of sauteed veggies: yellow squash, banana peppers, shallot, red bell peppers
Snack: spoonful of lemon-blueberry chevre
Dinner: bison short ribs, sweet potato spears, and leafy green salad
Indulgence: 1/2 glass red zinfandel and 2 squares of dark chocolate macadamia nut bark
Note: I actually only had sweet potatoes in 1 meal last week. But I did indulge every single night. :)

Tuna salad with grilled veggies for lunch

 I got to practice being Primal while on a trip this weekend. My dad drove Jackson and me to Lufkin, TX to visit my sister, Kelsey, and brother-in-law, Luke. We got in Friday afternoon and went to an "East Texas Treasure", Boil 'n Go. I had a feast of crab legs and shrimp but avoided the corn on the cob even though I was jonesin' for something sweet and juicy. Not wonderful, because I didn't have any veggies (none to choose from), but at least I had my fill of shell fish. Oh, and I did have a Mike's Harder Cranberry Lemonade. Oops.

Saturday morning was Primal: bacon, eggs, and plantains. NotsoPrimal: chocolate pancake from Chocolate Covered Katie. Still, no added sugar. After breakfast, Kelsey and I went to the Angelina County Farmers Market where she bought green tomatoes and okra. She sauteed the okra as soon as we got home, and I found myself anxiously hankering for veggies. Who, me?

After visiting the best zoo I've ever seen, we went to Orange Leaf for frozen yogurt. I actually resisted the urge to have a cheat treat and opted instead for a burrito bowl of pulled pork, grilled veggies, pico de gallo, and a little monterey jack cheese. Score!

That evening we drove to Nacodoches to eat at Kelsey and Luke's favorite restaurant: Auntie Pasta's. Haha, good play on words there, people. I was lamenting over the temptingly evil menu choices when I had the brilliant (if I do say so myself) idea of getting the chicken picatta but substituting veggies for the pasta. It was divine. And you know, I'd made so many good decisions that weekend that I decide to give in and have some dessert. I had a little key lime pie, a smidge cheesecake, and a bite of tiramisu. Terribly delicious. Oh my yum.

We got home late and everyone was zonked, so we went straight to bed. Well, lo and behold, guess who was awake at 3:30 am? Yes, yoursugareatingdevil truly. I was wide awake until about 5:00 am, feeling bloated and gassy. Gross.

The next day, I stayed Primal. I ate the rest of the plantains before church, had ribs without sauce and broccoli for lunch, and snack on pumpkins and sparkling water on the drive back home.

Today I weighed in. Ready?
Weight: 135.6
Bodyfat: 19.9%
Yeah baby!

Have you considered going Primal or Paleo?

21 Day Total Body Transformation

As I write, I'm eating a big ass salad. I was running low on produce after sauteing veggies to go with my eggs for breakfast this morning, so I went to the SFC Farmers' Market after I dropped Jackson off at school. I got zucchini, carrots, kale, tomatoes, banana peppers, 1 lb of lemon-blueberry chevre, and a cup of organic coffee for $27. I love how my refrigerator looks with all of those bright colors in it!

A year ago I started my very first desk job. I worked 7:30 am - 5:00 pm for 3 months, then my hours switched to 8:30 am - 5:00 pm. Sitting all day (even on an exercise ball) really took a toll on my body. Two years ago I completed The Body for Life Challenge. For 3 months I worked out with a great friend and shared food stories/triumphs/challenges. I went from 25% body fat to 18% body fat and I felt terrific! I looked darn hot too. So during that first week in my cubicle, I felt fear. Fear that the healthy body I'd worked so hard for was going to lose its firm and gain some jiggle. 

Sure enough.

I've been away from my desk for over two months and I've worked out, I've eaten better, I've been moving more frequently...but I'm not seeing any results. Well, I'm 2 years older and if you're in your 30s or higher, you're familiar with the constant slowing of the ol' metabolism. Sheesh, this really stinks! I decided what I needed was a drastic change to my diet and some motivation. 

I emailed a new friend to see if she'd be up for doing a challenge with me...and she was. We chose between the 21 Day Total Body Transformation and the Whole 30. We're doing the 21 Day TBT together (starting yesterday) and then I think I'll do the Whole 30 when we're done. All I had to do was Google "Paleo Before and Afters" to know this is just the thing I want to do. Um, visible abdominal muscles? Yes, Please!

Last night I cooked steak and green beans for dinner. I've been grilling steaks a lot this season, but they're never really superb. So I searched Mark Sisson's site for a steak recipe. Then I Googled recipes for leek-butter sauce. But I still didn't know how to prepare the leeks, so I Googled that too. I just sauteed the leeks in European style butter from Central Market, then I poured the leek butter over the steaks and green beans. Oh. My. Goodness. Delectable! That steak was EASILY the best steak I've ever cooked. It was a NY Strip. Since I cook just for Jackson and myself, we share a 1 lb steak.

Local, organically grown produce and grass-fed meats are easy to find here in Austin and they just taste so darn good! 

If you're feeling drab, sluggish, or flabby, I highly recommend you try a full-on overhaul of your diet. Check out the success stories on the links I posted above and what you read will amaze you!

I'd love to hear what hold you back from eating whole, healthy food as well as what some of you do to stay in great health. What are your secrets?

Erin

The questions I ask about Christianity

Questions.

Here are some of the questions I have.

Can middle to upper class Americans know a need for Jesus?

Does it make sense to have expensive grounds/maintenance/buildings for worship and elaborately decked out rooms for kids to have fun in so they want to go to church?

Do we have any idea who "the least" are? Do we know where they live, how they got there, and what their names are?

Does it make sense for a family of 4 to live in a 3000 square foot home when their brothers and sisters in Christ with 4 kids live in a 2 room shack?

Why are we still fooled into thinking we live in a Christian nation? How can a nation even be Christian, when to follow Christ means to surrender all to Him and rest in His grace? Can a nation do that? 

Why do Christians feel that denying civil rights to some humans is their way of honoring God? Does that honor God? 

Will laws lead people to Jesus?

Why are there so many Christians and so many orphans? Shouldn't we adopt them?

Why do we eat fake food that kills us instead of eating what God supplies for us and living healthy lives? 

Why would it dishonor God to have a woman in church leadership in 2012? He clearly chose women to do His will in Bible times. A judge, a prophet, an apostle, a teacher, etc. 

Why are married couples more valuable to churches than singles?

Where should my money go?

Does it dishonor God when a rich man buys another new car while his brother in Christ across town goes without a nutritious meal every night? 

Why aren't all churches more like 12-step programs?

Hi, I'm Erin and I struggle with codependency, control, and anger. And I'm a grateful believer in Jesus Christ.